Note that this is quite old, from the height of Queer Eye's popularity in Australia, so some of the jokes might not make sense any more.
To the tune of “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General” from The Pirates of Penzance by Gilbert and Sullivan.
I am the very model of a modern metrosexual
I have a thirst for 'product' that is nigh upon unquenchable
My day begins at 4 am - the hours before sunrise
Give me a chance to exfoliate, rejuvenate and moisturise
I'm a disciple of Kyan, Ian Thorpe and Jamie Durie
I hope to soon release my own brand of male jewellery
I know hair gel's so out of date, "M.O.P"'s where it's at
Yes that "moulding organic polymer" will keep me looking fab
The newest vogue's a guava cream for supple skin that's great
I'll add it to my day's routine at number twenty-eight
It's because I know this daily skincare is essential
That I am the very model of a modern metrosexual.
I am the true epitome of everything that's trendy
I spend four nights a week at the Palace or the Dendy
I only eat at restaurants named with monosyllables
And where receiving cutlery is an 'extra' that is billable
I use words like "divine" in normal conversation
Never been to a bus shelter or a Cityrail station
My fashionable apartment's filled with candles made of herbs
I scream whenever somebody mentions the word "suburbs"
My favourite clothes are pink, lilac, lavender or fuchsia
Especially in turtlenecks; I'm a dedicated tjuzer
So it’s because I know what's hip and what is instead rejectable
That I am the very model of a modern metrosexual
Yet the ladies seem to underrate my chiseled features
Don't appreciate my complexion, my skin textured like peaches
They don't respect my imported designer cologne
Or the fact I can discuss every pair of shoes they own
They say I'm too "flamboyant" or whisper that I'm gay
Just 'cause I use thirty-two separate skin creams every day
And because I wear three shirts at once (the layered look is in!)
They make out that a fashion sense is some kind of sin
But I can't change who I am - I'll always enjoy cooking
And I certainly can't help it if I'm overly good-looking
Attempts to make me "blokey" will be completely ineffectual
For I am the very model of a modern metrosexual.
