How To Become
A T.O.S.S.
In order to get the most from university life, you need to immerse yourself in the tradition that surrounds them. The thing that has made Oxford and Cambridge (collectively, Oxbridge) such great institutions is the sense of pride felt by their students, which pushes them to achieve more in their academic and extracurricular lives. This article will tell you everything you need to know about how to be a Traditionalist Oxbridge-Style Student, or TOSS.
- Use Latin (or, less preferably, French) at every opportunity. Never use an English word or phrase when a foreign one will do. Don't say morning, say ante meridian ("before noon"). A TOSS wouldn't say, "I'm glad to have handed in that assignment", he would say iacta alea est ("the die is cast"), Caesar's resolute words as he marched on Rome to wrest control of the Republic. When slipping Latin quotes into conversations, make sure you refer to authors from the Golden Age of Latin, such as Caesar and Cicero; using the writing of Silver Age figures such as Tacitus and Juvenal will only reveal your ignorance and unsuitability to be a proper TOSS.
- Apply Oxbridge customs to your everyday university life. For example, at Trinity College in Cambridge, only Fellows of the college have the right to walk on the grass; the only exception is students with scholarships, who may (when wearing full academic dress) walk on one particular lawn. At Oxford, academic dress (gown, cap; dark suit and white bow tie for men, or blouse and ribbon for women) is worn for all examinations. In fact, wearing academic dress as often as possible is preferable for being a TOSS. You may also wish to join the rowing team.
- Expect to use Oxford's non-standard degree structure. Generally, master's
degrees are undergraduate ones, and bachelor degrees are postgraduate.
Undergraduate degrees include the BA, in which you can study almost
anything, as well as MEng (Engineering), MPhys (Physics), MChem (Chemistry).
Postgraduate degrees then include the BSc (Science), BCL (Law) and BLitt
(Letters), as well as doctorates like D.Phil (PhD) and DSc. Additionally,
anyone who does an undergraduate degree gets an MA (Master of Arts)
seven years after graduating, without doing any extra work. What does
this mean for you as a TOSS? Well, you should:
- Try to enrol in Master's degree courses straight out of high school
- Demand to be able to take courses from any faculty in your BA degree
- Regard anyone with a BSc degree higher than any of your lecturers with MSc degrees
- Return to university seven years after you complete your course and demand to receive an MA
- Learn Oxbridge jargon terms so that you can drop them into conversation at every opportunity. These include the title of "senior wrangler" for the highest-placed student in the final year of mathematics (the second-placed student is the second wrangler, and so on). Cambridge uses the term Tripos to describe degree courses and their various years. For example, a first-year student of Maths would be"in Part IA of the Mathematics Tripos". Another crucial piece of jargon is the term "reading". A TOSS is never "doing" or "studying" a course, he is always "reading" it. Personally, I read physics (science is too generic, so don't use it) and engineering.
If you follow all of these steps, you will be well on your way to being a true TOSS.